


Of Changing Winds

by LelianasSong



Series: Of Gilded Cages [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: AU, Bard!Leliana, F/F, Non-Warden, will update character list chapter after they are introduced
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2018-09-30 13:02:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10163588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelianasSong/pseuds/LelianasSong
Summary: With her world changed forever, Elsa Cousland must start her next journey into the unknown. On a quest to save her family from Howe's imminent betrayal, she must learn how to survive the new person she has become. With her mind still fresh from betrayal, her and Leliana must work together if they are going to overcome all of the obstacles ahead, with some help along the way.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> So it's, what, three months after I promised this sequel to you? Well, here we finally are! I really wanted to have at least three chapters written before I started posting! I'm sorry it's taken so long but with life how it is right now, all of my motivation to write has been practically non-existent until recently :') Here's hoping my renewed desire to write keeps up, huh? ;) 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this!

The morning sun rose to the beautiful melody of birds singing and the soft sound of the breeze gently rustling the leaves of grand trees. A small deer was grazing not too deep into the woodland, enjoying the morning’s grass and taking the edge off of its thirst with the dew that still glistened upon it. It’s ears were pricked up as usual, but there was no sound save for the rustles that it was used to in its home.

A twig cracked and the deer poked its head up, eyes darting through the shrubs and trees, trying to see what had caused the interruption in its tranquility. There was nothing, not a single leaf out of place, so the deer lowered its head once more, returning to its breakfast. Another sound, but the deer was certain it was safe now, having seen nothing around for miles. There was no predator lurking on the woodland floor and nothing in these parts that would attack it from the highest trees. It had never learnt to look up in the trees, there had simply never been a need before.

That had been a mistake of course.

Without warning, a mass fell from the tree above her and the deer cried out as something sharp pierced her neck. After that, the deer made no sound as a knife slide across her throat, ending her suffering quickly. It was efficient and clean and as the predator stood up and smiled down at their prey, there was pride in the quick work they had made of it.

“Elsa! Why would you leap from a tree to kill a deer? Maker’s breath! You have a bow!”

Elsa Cousland looked up from the deer on the ground, rolling her eyes as Leliana came into view, placing her bow over her back and shaking her head as the young woman stepped away from the dead animal. The bard leant down, checking for any signs of life before placing a makeshift sack around the deer and handing it over to Elsa to carry.

“What? It worked didn’t it?” Elsa sighed, following Leliana back to the camp they had set up for their last night in the woodlands.

“That time did. But what if you had damaged your legs in the fall? What if you had seriously hurt yourself?”

“Look, if I can’t handle a fall like that, then there is no way I am going to be able to take on Howe and save my family. Let’s just call it training for the inevitable.”

“And what if you can’t save your family because you’ve broken your legs?”

“I don’t think you’re in any position to lecture me right now, Leliana, oh bard of Orlais!” Elsa snapped, walking faster despite her heavy load.

She could hear the sad and defeated sigh from behind her and chose to ignore it. It had only been a few days since they had set off towards Lothering and Elsa found herself snapping at Leliana more often than not. It wasn’t healthy, that much Elsa knew, but the revelations of the other day had cut her deeply and any form of care or concern from Leliana, any reminder of just how much they had felt about each other, was like having an aggravated wound that refused to close. She needed her here and Leliana wanted to stay, but it hurt. It hurt more than Elsa could ever describe.

They remained silent for the rest of the way back and were greeted by an exceedingly excitable Titus and a very bored looking Morrigan. The witch was flipping through a book that had been in her pack, scowling at the pages as she turned them far too quickly to have been taking anything in. She did not even look up when Elsa deposited the deer on the ground and Leliana began to skin and gut the creature.

“You were gone longer than I expected,” Morrigan said, her eyes still not leaving the book.

“Elsa fancied herself as a bird of prey,” Leliana said, gritting her teeth slightly as she focused on what she was doing.

“I killed the deer with immense skill.”

“‘Tis you we are talking about, yes? I don’t think skill could have factored into it.”

“Morrigan, you wound me!”

“No, you do that to yourself,” Morrigan said, pointedly looking at Elsa’s arms that had been purposefully been covered and hidden from anyone else’s view.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Elsa glowered, trying to ignore the rawness of her arms. She had spent much of the last few days rubbing them incessantly. Scouring the skin until she felt as if she could not feel the blood upon her anymore. That feeling never came, so the damage to her arms continued, no matter how much she wished she could stop, she found herself doing it absently and then vigorously before being able to get the little amount of sleep her mind wished to award her.

Rubbing her arms through her shirt, it soothed the sting that still lingered only briefly, before the fabric scratched away and brought the burning sensation back. It was a distraction at least, especially as she still didn’t know how to prepare the meat she had hunted and could not use that as an excuse to not look at Leliana.

The woman seemed to be trying hard not to be put off by the messy work she was performing, her nose scrunched up at the metallic tang of blood. Her pale hands were gloved, protecting them from the red, although her face occasionally could not be so lucky. It was not easy to watch her, as that softness in her eyes seemed to have disappeared over the past few days, replaced only by tiredness and a keen intelligence that reminded Elsa of a raven. Perhaps it was to be expected. Warmth would come from warmth and Elsa had shown her little to none.

Tearing her gaze away, Elsa turned her attentions to her bloodied daggers, choosing to spend her time cleaning them and checking their supplies until the food was ready and they could finally eat. Tomorrow they would reach Lothering and then everything might feel real again. With each step towards Highever, Elsa could not help but feel an inordinate amount of fear for the family she loved with all her heart.

A soft whine sounded from beside her, as Titus nudged her shoulder with his nose, before laying his head down in her lap. A small smile spread across Elsa’s lips as she stroked the mabari’s head gently.

“Don’t worry boy, we’ll save them. We have to.”

**xxx**

It did not take them long to reach Lothering once they had left the shelter of woodland they had found themselves in. It had been necessary to sneak as far as possible under cover, as neither of them knew whether Howe would have sent men to search for them. As easy as it would be to travel anonymously to most, if the Arl could have enough people spying on her to realise exactly what her and Leliana had been doing, then there was no way he would let her just walk out of the estate unhindered.

“We can’t do this alone,” Elsa sighed, as they walked into the outskirts of the village. “We need more supplies and perhaps someone who is decent with a sword.”

“And what money do we have to obtain those things?” Morrigan asked.

“I collected some jewellery and coins from my room before we left. We can either exchange goods for jewellery or find someone we can sell them to for more money.”

“And the extra hands? Would that not be dangerous? Not everyone is going to want to help an ostracised noblewoman when they could simply turn her over for a large reward.”

Elsa huffed, crossing her arms and stopping just outside of the village proper. She knew it was a long shot, knew that this could very well end in disaster, but there was no way she wasn’t going to try. She had to. She needed to take risks now, more so than she had ever had to do before in her life. Life was different now, there was no gilded cage to keep her, but an unpredictable and often dangerous world that she needed to learn to navigate. There were too many negatives, too many ways that things could go wrong, but if she had learnt anything from the stories she had loved as a child and still indeed loved to this day, it was that positives gave more strength than negatives. Trying got you places that listing off reasons why things are hard never could.

“Morrigan, do you know of this place?” Elsa asked curtly.

“Yes… it is one of the few places I have visited.”

“Then go purchase some supplies from that merchant over there. I believe you know what we are short of and you can take Titus with you. If the templars cause any problems, he will bark and I’ll come to aid you.”

“Why yes, my lady. Right away, my lady,” Morrigan scoffed, giving a mock bow before walking off with an eager Titus in tow.

Elsa watched as she walked off, thankful at least that she could now have time to think without Morrigan bringing up even more problems rather than solutions. A small cough sounded from beside her and the woman looked over at Leliana, who was standing there in uncertainty. Elsa remembered what she had told Leliana, only a few days ago. She remembered the arguments and how Leliana still did not know whether Elsa wanted her with them or whether this would be where they would part ways. In truth, Elsa didn’t even know herself. Everything was still raw and new, her anger still simmering beneath the surface whenever she looked at Leliana. But she needed her. As silly as it sounded and as unhealthy as it was, Elsa could not bare to see Leliana leave.

“So, we should go find someone desperate enough to join us on this journey,” Elsa said, turning fully to Leliana. “I think between us we should be quite persuasive.”

“We?”

“You heard Morrigan. The odds are stacked against us and we need more people to help, not less. I… you’re an asset to this quest and while I do not know how far reaching your skills are, it would not hurt to have a trained bard’s help in this. Maker, you probably know the inner workings of nobility better than I do! We could use that.”

“And there is no other reason why you want me to stay?” Leliana asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I don’t know Leliana. I really don’t know. Look, I understand the situation and I understand now that you never would have hurt me, but you lied to me. I trusted you with everything and now I feel as if I do not even know you. Can you see that?”

“I… yes. I understand that completely.”

“Thank you, Leliana. I… think we should start over. I want to get to know the real you without any expectations, can we do that?”

Leliana smiled sadly as she held out her hand. It took a moment before Elsa took it, the shake feeling far more stiff and unnatural when they were both far more used to holding each other in a gentle embrace. They dropped their hands quickly and both looked to the ground, neither sure where to actually go from here.

“Now, shall we?” Elsa finally said, forcing herself to smile as well even though she could feel just how tight the expression felt. “There’s a whole village of people here and we need to find someone handy enough with a sword that they won’t stab themselves with it.”

“Of course.” Leliana gestured into the rest of the village. “Lead the way.”


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I guess that little spout of 'I'm ditching this, I can't do it anymore!' has ended :') This story WILL be continued and I am going to finish it even if it kills me, I swear to God. So here's a new chapter and hopefully the next one wont take quite so long ;)

Under the rose-tinted hue of their last visit, Elsa could not remember truly seeing Lothering. The only thing she could remember was the way that Leliana’s laugh had chimed through the air, or the way her blue eyes had sparkled with amusement and care as they sat and spoke, huddled in the corner of the tavern. There were few memories of the actual village and its people, because Elsa had been so smitten and her world had revolved around the woman beside her.

Now she noticed the way in which the Templars seemed to have a heavier presence here than perhaps any other small town should have, the way that children ran through the streets, playing and cheering as their parents bought and sold wares with the merchants that were simply passing through. There was more life here than Elsa had seen in awhile, though nowhere near as much as the city she had called home. With each child she saw, she remembered Oren back home and wondered if Fergus had taught him how to sword fight yet and whether Oren had begun to pester someone new to tell him stories since Elsa had left. Each family reminded her of the one she was on her way to save and she found herself filled with a grim determination.

They needed someone skilled for this role, Elsa was certain of that. It would not do to enlist the help of just any person who owned a sword and who had once picked it up to slay the rats in their home. No, they needed a skilled warrior and one that would not sell them out to the highest bidder, which would be a rare set of qualities indeed. Still, as Elsa and Leliana walked towards the tavern to see if anyone there could help, Elsa knew she would not give up.

“Are you certain the tavern is a good place to look?” Leliana asked, stopping just before they entered the establishment.

“You saw it last time! If there’s something warriors like to do, it’s drink.”

“But most of them might sell us out. We have to be careful.”

“We haven’t got many options, Leliana. Unless you have better ideas?” Elsa asked, raising her eyebrows expectantly.

Sighing, Leliana just opened the door to the tavern, allowing the inviting warmth to reach out and lure them away from the cold. It felt like a lifetime since Elsa had been able to rejoice in the warmth of a fireplace and she found herself gravitating towards it almost instantly. Reaching her hands out she let the heat lick at her fingers, soothing the brittle chill of her limbs and making her feel slightly more human again. Looking around the tavern, she knew that she had made the right choice. Amongst the townspeople were mercenaries with swords strapped to their backs, all of them drinking on their way through to the next big adventure. They all seemed competent, yet Elsa did not know how many of them could be trusted.

“Stay here, I’m going to see if we can trust any of these people,” Leliana whispered, patting Elsa on the shoulder. “You should warm up, you have not looked well for days.”

Nodding, Elsa smiled at Leliana gratefully, sinking into a spare seat by the fire and sighing in relief. She kept an eye on her travelling companion, watching as the bard seemed to come out with every conversation she got into with the mercenaries. Leliana smiled and laughed, placing her hand on people’s arms until Elsa could see that many of them seemed to turn to putty in her hands. It was scary to think that perhaps Elsa had been so easily manipulated by her, that maybe she was just like these men and women who seemed so willing to share and laugh with the gorgeous red head. There was no denying how impressive it was though, no matter how uncomfortable Elsa felt with the thought that maybe she had been this easy to woo as well. Leliana charmed each person she spoke to in a way that Elsa had never mastered in all of her courtly lessons and etiquette and it felt like watching a master at work.

Elsa sighed as she got up and made her way over to the bar. She ordered herself a mug of whiskey, knowing that it would probably take Leliana far longer than a few minutes to gather all the information she needed from the potential recruits. Besides, it had been some time since Elsa had been able to drink anything more appetizing than the water that Morrigan had carefully boiled to make it safe to drink and Maker knows she could use something that made her body feel far lighter than it had done in weeks. 

As soon as she got the drink, she downed it in one and ordered another, intent on taking the second one more slowly as the first burnt down her throat, making her wince as she stood at the front. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that someone was watching her and as she turned, her eyes met with warm amber eyes that seemed to light up when the woman they belonged to noticed that she had caught Elsa’s attention. The woman had dark red hair and olive skin, her lips pulled into a smirk as she winked and raised a glass in Elsa’s direction. As Elsa recieved her own second drink, she lifted the mug up to her, returning the toast in her direction and simply nodding at her with a smile.

She could feel her cheeks flaming red as the woman who had winked at her seemed to move from the conversation she was having with a young man with a sullen face and walked straight over to where Elsa was stood. As the woman rounded the corner of the bar Elsa could finally make out the strength in her shoulders and arms, something that was definitely hard to ignore in the shirt that she wore. A tattoo seemed to peak out from under the sleeves, a majestic dragon winding itself down the woman’s arm in such an artistic way that Elsa had to forcibly drag her eyes away from the marvellous piece.

“Well, I know I haven’t seen you around here before,” The woman said, looking down at Elsa with that smile still plastered on her face. “I think I would have remembered you.”

“It’s not my first time here,” Elsa replied, taking a sip from her whiskey and hoping that the blush on her cheeks from the attention could be passed off as slight intoxication.

“Then I’m so sorry to have missed you before. Things have been very boring around here, maybe you’ll spice things up a little.”

“Oh? Is Lothering not exciting enough for you?” Elsa asked, tilting her head to the side as she watched the woman lean nonchalantly against the top of the bar.

“I just came back from serving in the army for a bit. My brother over there and I have only been back for a couple of weeks and this place is as boring as it ever was. Still, got to help my mother and sister, right?”

“You’re a soldier?” Elsa asked, raising an eyebrow as her interest in this woman truly piqued. She leaned forward, lowering her voice slightly. “And you’d be interested in getting out of this place and doing something more exciting?”

“I guess… why, are you inviting me to go do something exciting with you?” The woman asked, her lips curling into a smirk. “That’s pretty forward isn’t it?”

“Wait… no! That’s not… I didn’t mean…”

“Elsa! There you are!”

As the tall soldier laughed, Elsa turned around quickly and felt more relieved to see Leliana than she had done in the past few days since they had left the estate.The bard glanced at the woman Elsa had been speaking to, her eyebrows shooting up as she took in the blush on Elsa’s cheek and the way the soldier was looking as if Leliana had just interrupted them in the middle of something important.

“Oh I’m sorry, am I interrupting?” Leliana asked, placing her hand on Elsa’s forearm subconsciously.

“No no, not at all. I was just leaving,” The soldier said, her eyes glancing down to the protective grip that Leliana had placed on Elsa and that neither of them had moved out of yet. “It was nice to meet you, Elsa. Maybe we’ll meet again or something?”

Before Elsa could say anything else, the woman was gone out of the door and the man she had been standing with seemed to groan in annoyance before paying the barman and skulking after her. Sighing, Elsa could not believe that she had let the opportunity to get to know the woman slip her by. Whilst she had clearly been interested in Elsa for entirely different reasons, the woman had looked certainly strong enough to wield a sword and Elsa had hoped that her confidence was as transferable to her swordsmanship as to her flirting techniques.

“I leave you alone for just a moment and you’re already flirting with every woman in the place,” Leliana sighed, rolling her eyes as she looked down at Elsa’s drink. “We’re not here to get drunk, Elsa.”

“I needed something to warm me up. Besides, we weren’t flirting and even if we were, what’s that got to do with you? You’ve been out there charming everyone! Why can’t I do some charming of my own?”

Leliana simply looked at her, shaking her head sadly as she took a deep sigh. “Okay, what did you get out of that conversation?”

“Well, I don’t know her name… but I do know she lives here and also she used to be in the army!” Elsa said, finishing off her drink and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. 

“So… not very much then?”

“Look, we didn’t get to talk for very long before you came up. So, what did you find out then?”

“Oh most of the men here brag about their prowess with swords and leered at my breasts. I doubt that they’re as good as they say, both with their skills and their talent at charming the underclothes off a Chantry Sister. I know Sister Coleen, she once chastised me for so much as looking at someone let alone letting someone take her behind the windmill. Though I do not know, perhaps Coleen has changed since I last knew her.”

“So…”

“None of those men were right for the job. I wouldn’t feel safe with them I don’t think and neither would you. Everyone else seemed pleasant enough, but they all had business lined up. A shame really, they were all far more organised and probably far more skilled.”

Sighing, Elsa placed her money down on the counter for her drinks and straightened up. The both of them moved towards the door, intent on continuing their search or at least going to find out where Morrigan and Titus had gotten to with the supplies. Elsa hoped that they had been more successful in their task, particularly as they left the tavern empty handed and with even less options than before.

**xxx**

It did not take Elsa and Leliana long to find where Morrigan and Titus had gotten to. They simply had to follow the sounds of the dog barking erratically at a young man who seemed to be running away as Morrigan proceeded to pick up a bag that the man had thrown to the ground. Many of the surrounding people had turned to look at them, all of them shaking their heads and some of them staring at Morrigan strangely, as most had probably never seen someone wearing clothes like that.

As soon as Titus noticed that Elsa and Leliana were approached, he barked happily this time, bounding over with his tail wagging vigorously. He sat down, waiting for Elsa to scratch behind his ear and congratulate him on chasing the young man away.

“I see you got yourselves into trouble,” Elsa laughed, crouching down as Titus flopped down on the floor and expected belly scratches.

“That oaf tried to snatch this bag out of my hands! It seems your dog is good for one thing at least,” Morrigan said, closing the bag up and passing it over to Leliana to carry. “We should be stocked up now. Please tell me you found someone to help. I am tired of this place and of its nosey people.”

“Well, you do stick out, Morrigan,” Leliana replied, shouldering the supplies reluctantly, glaring at Morrigan who was now carrying absolutely nothing.

“And no, we haven’t found anyone yet. Unless we find that woman I was speaking to again, but at this point, that seems like a long shot. We don’t even know where she would have gone to and we definitely don’t know her name!”

“Tis good to see that you have things well in hand.”

Elsa scowled at Morrigan, trying to keep her mouth shut before she said anything she would regret. She was far too exhausted for this, far too anxious and stressed to deal with the addition of Morrigan’s snark. Gritting her teeth, she walked away, across the bridge and past where the tavern had been. There must be someone out in the further reaches of the village and there was no way she could simply stand and take part in bickering. She needed to do something, she needed to fill her mind with purpose before the task at hand felt far too great and she crumbled under the pressure.

She could hear Morrigan and Leliana following behind her, with Titus bounding at her heels, excitedly following his mistress onto the next big great adventure. It was good that at least Titus seemed to be enjoying himself, as whenever he looked up at Elsa and barked, she felt a small smile pull at her lips and ease the moment, if only just for a little while.

“Stop right there, where do you think you’re going then?” Elsa stopped abruptly, narrowing her eyes as a group of men stepped out from behind one of the houses. “I do believe you’ve got something of ours.”

Elsa noticed that standing with them was the man that Titus had chased off, his lips pulled into a sneer as he seemed to hide behind the bigger and older men in the front. It was typical really, that the young lad would find bigger help after being humiliated by a dog of all things. Indeed, when Titus snarled at the group, the man flinched slightly, taking a step back before being grabbed by the man at the front of the group and yanked forward.

“Our lad here says he was just trying to relieve your heavy load. That was very helpful of him, wasn’t it? And how do you repay him, but to set your mutt there on him. That was very rude, we ought to teach you some manners.”

“I don’t think that stealing from us was very helpful at all. Now if you don’t mind, we have things to do and places to be, so stop wasting our time and just walk away,” Elsa said, crossing her arms and arching her brow as she stared the men down.

“I’m sorry short stuff, but what do you think you’re doing? What are you going to do? Step on my toes? I bet your punches feel like being hit with a soft pillow.”

“Move aside, we do not want any trouble here,” Leliana said, stepping forward.

“Hey you! I know you! Weren’t you a sister here or something? Lily or something?”

“Leliana.”

“Aye, the Orelesian! Father said you probably ran back to Orlais to be where all the other lying snakes live! You should’ve stayed there!”

“Now now, Little Timmy, that’s no way to treat guests to the village, is it?” Came a surprisingly familiar voice from behind where Elsa and her group stood. 

Elsa turned around, noting how the men seemed to have all fallen silent, their eyes filled with a fearful recognition. Standing there was the woman from earlier, her arms folded and that smirk still planted firmly on  her face. Out in the open, her eyes trained on the men, she seemed more commanding than she had done with a drink in her hand. Elsa smiled, watching as the woman strode forward and stood beside her and a growling Titus.

“Ah, Hawke, what are you doing out here? Thought you’d have been home long ago,” said the leader, putting on his most charming smile.

“Cut the crap, Jacob. Why are you giving my friends here trouble?”

“Aye, well, Tim here thought he would help them earlier and got attacked by that vicious beast there!” Another of the men piped up, as the others murmured in agreement.

“So stealing is helpful now? I’ll let the whole of Thedas know! Clearly the law makers need to be told!” Hawke laughed, arching her eyebrows at the men. “Listen, how about you guys run along and we forget this ever happened? You remember what I did to Rob the last time he tried to ‘help’ someone, right?”

Elsa had to stop herself from laughing as all the men’s eyes widened, all of them turning to look at each other with abject fear written all over their faces. Looking at her own companions, Elsa wasn’t surprised to see the looks of amusement on their faces and as Leliana looked over and met her eye, Elsa knew in that moment that they were both thinking the same thing: Hawke was exactly the kind of person they had been looking for.

“It was nice meeting you ladies… and mutt,” the leader said, as him and his followers backed up. “Be seeing you in the tavern, Hawke.”

With that, the men scarpered with their metaphorical tails between their legs, leaving Hawke laughing and waving the men off. Finally, the woman turned towards Elsa, reaching a hand out in greeting.

“We really have got to stop meeting like this… Elsa, wasn’t it?” Hawke said, as Elsa grasped her hand and shook it firmly.

“Yes, and you? I don’t believe you ever gave me your name between the flirting and helping us drive troublemakers away,” Elsa chuckled, smiling coyly.

Leliana scoffed and rolled her eyes from behind Hawke, choosing to busy herself with brushing off whatever dust had gathered on her leathers.

“The name’s Rowan Hawke, but most just call me Hawke. Except my family of course, that would just be weird, right?”

“Rowan, huh? It’s nice to meet you! In fact, there might be something you can help us with, if you’re up for a quest that is?”

“A quest? Will there be money and things for me to fight instead of wondering around this boring place?”

“Absolutely!”

“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s go to mine, get some food down you and then you can give me the details? You guys look like you’ve been sleeping in the woods for days or something!”

“The mutt snores as well,” Morrigan scoffed, glaring down at Titus who seemed to just bark happily and wag his tail in response.

Rowan laughed, gesturing further out of the centre of town with her hand.

“Shall we, then?”

Elsa nodded, following as Rowan began to walk towards where she assumed the soldier lived. It certainly felt better now that they had found a new potential companion, someone who could not only handle herself with a sword but seemed to be able to provide some levity in the tension that still lingered around the group. Perhaps this would not be so impossible after all, but who knows what could happen next? If there was something that Elsa had learnt recently, it was that there were bound to be obstacles just around the corner, just ready to throw a stone into the spokes of her plans.


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well well, look who decided to stop being a chump and update this damn fic! Here's hoping to many more updates in the future, hey? ;)

**** Looking around the table, Elsa could not help but smile as Rowan and the other Hawkes bustled around, preparing everything for Rowan’s departure and for dinner. It was rather cramped, especially now with a room of six and two mabaris, but it was cosier and more welcoming than anywhere Elsa had seen in months, or years even! Rowan polished her massive broadsword as her sister, Bethany, seemed to have finished up preparing the supplies that Rowan would be taking. Rowan ruffled the young woman’s hair, only to get a playful glare in response, before Bethany went to help their mother with the stew.

“Where did you say we were headed again?” Rowan asked, looking up from her sword once she had finished inspecting it.

“Highever,” Elsa responded, taking a drink of clean water from her mug.

“What is it that you women are trying to do?” Leandra asked, looking at them skeptically. “You better not get my girl in trouble with the Couslands. Rowan has a way of getting into these sorts of messes.”

“Oh no, madame, we’re going to go and help the Couslands,” Leliana replied, putting on her warmest smile.

“I’m sorry, this is just too vague, Rowan. You’re going to go and get yourself killed! You cannot tell me that you trust these women that you’ve only just met with their vague explanations. Please, Carver, talk some sense into your older sister!”

“And risk her not leaving me alone for awhile? Not bloody likely!”

“Carver!” Leandra scolded, putting her hands on her hips and shaking her head in exasperation at her only son.

“What? She can handle herself and might give us a break, finally!”

“Or she will go out there and fall to some sort of trap! Your sister could end up in prison!”

“You always said you worried that’s where she would end up with her smart mouth, so maybe we could all just risk it? Or I could go?”

“Oh Carver, don’t be so ridiculous!”

“Do you have anymore information for us?” Bethany asked, interrupting the argument between her twin and her mother. “It would give us some peace of mind if you could tell us exactly what you were doing. Is it dangerous? Is someone after you?”

Elsa looked between Leliana and Morrigan, both of whom seemed to be staring at her, their eyes practically begging her to keep her mouth shut. There were so many risks involved with their mission and being turned over by anyone who learnt the truth was definitely one of them. But then again, if they were going to trust Rowan with their lives in battle, then they would need to be able to trust her with this and if Hawke and her family couldn’t trust them completely, then how could they ensure Hawke’s loyalty in the long run? It was a risk, but hadn’t Elsa taken a lot of those lately? Sure, they had landed her in this situation, but they had also kept her alive. This was a time for risks and chances if ever there was one after all.

“I am Elsa Cousland, I fled from my husband, Lord Thomas Howe and his father, Arl Rendon Howe after an attempt on my life. Howe has something planned for the rest of my family in what I can only assume is a political coup to grasp more power. We are trying to warn my family and stop that vile snake before it’s too late.”

Despite the previous bustle, the wooden house seemed to fall silent as the Hawkes stared in disbelief, whilst Leliana had screwed her eyes shut, pinching the bridge of her nose with exasperation. Elsa looked at Rowan unwaveringly, hoping that her confidence would convince her that this was not some fanciful lie, but the truth.

“You really expect us to believe that?” Leandra asked, shaking her head.

“Would you lie about being hunted down by an Arl?” Rowan asked, arching her eyebrows at her mother. “No one would risk being handed over for coin unless it were true.”

“I’m not sure about this…”

“Wait… you’re a Cousland?” Bethany asked, her eyes widening. “There are books on your family in the Chantry! How did you even get here?”

“I had some help,” Elsa chuckled, nodding her head towards Leliana.

“So we’re to save your family from a traitorous little snake?” Rowan asked. “Just how did you manage to piss off both your husband and his father so much? Not that I mind! If they were terrible then good on you but I’m a little curious.”

“Thomas was… he is not a bad man. At least I don’t believe so. What happened doesn’t matter,” Elsa replied, masking her face and meeting Rowan’s eyes with a steely, defiant gaze.

Rowan cocked her head slightly, her lips parted as if she were about to say something before she seemed to think better of it and closed them. Leandra Hawke sighed, her shoulders sagging slightly as she nodded in assent at her eldest daughter and her new quest. She returned back to the stove where she dished out the simmering stew into bowls and passed them to each of them.

“You’ll need your strength before you leave, so you should eat and rest. Leaving the village shouldn’t be too much of a struggle if you have Rowan with you,” Leandra spoke, as everyone began tucking into their meals. “Maker… you sound as if you are going to need all the help you can get.”

xxx

They had left the Hawkes’ home at the crack of dawn, a farewell that saw Leandra having to physically stop Bethany from following her elder sister and join them on their quest. The youngest Hawke seemed anxious to see Rowan go, for a reason that the other Hawkes seemed to understand completely but would not divulge to them under any circumstance. It was alright, Elsa was not keen on delving into their secrets too much, especially when it didn’t seem like one that would hinder the mission. So, they left in subdued spirits, with Rowan being quieter than any of them had ever heard her be. The only times she spoke was when she was guiding them towards to road they would need with the map she owned, or when she offered to carry more supplies whenever it looked like anyone else was feeling the weight of it begin to wear on them.

“I am surprised that no one has discovered your sister,” Morrigan spoke up suddenly, sounding generally intrigued. “Even more surprising is that you didn’t exile her to the Circle to be kept trapped like cattle.”

Rowan stopped for a moment, turning to look at Morrigan with suspicion in her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“Your sister is a mage, is she not? ‘Twas merely an innocent question.”

“Questions like that are not innocent at all. Who wants to know? Are you going to tell the Templars whenever we see one?” Rowan snapped, her usually lighthearted face scowling in warning.

“Oh, you needn’t worry about Morrigan, or any of us for that matter. We do not wish to send your sister to a Circle,” Leliana interjected, placing a comforting hand on Rowan’s arm. “Morrigan is also a mage and Elsa and I haven’t packed her off to the Circle yet, no matter how tempting that is…”

“I would like to see you try,  _ bard _ ,” Morrigan scoffed.

“I don’t know, if Leliana wanted you in the Circle then she could manage it. She’s pretty good at her manipulation and pretending to be someone she isn’t. If anyone could trick you into the Circle, it’s her,” Elsa laughed hollowly, wrapping her arms around herself and turning away from Leliana’s gaze.

The tension seemed to have heightened in no time at all and Elsa felt as if her chest was being crushed beneath a stone slab. She knew that it hadn’t been necessary to take the stab that she had done, but as time went on, she felt herself feeling vindicated in those moments. Vindicated in the anger that stemmed from the pain of betrayal. She could hear Leliana’s sigh, sharper now as time and occasions past. What had the bard expected though? That Elsa would have accepted this piece of information without a single worry or fear? That perhaps she would have freaked out but then forgiven her by now? She doubted Leliana was that foolish, especially if she knew her as well as she claimed.

“So… what are the sleeping arrangements? Tents? Bedrolls? Enjoying the feeling of grass and dirt beneath our backs?” Rowan asked, forcing the conversation into an opposite direction.

“I purchased a tent from a merchant,” Morrigan replied, apparently tired of the tension between Elsa and Leliana too. “It should sleep two, whilst the other two keep watch. What remains is finding suitable places to camp and organising the watch.”

“I could always take watch with you, Morrigan?” Rowan asked.

“No!” Elsa and Leliana spoke in unison, both of them looking at each other in surprise before returning their gaze back to Hawke.

“No, I shall take watch with you, Hawke,” Leliana said first, placing a hand on Rowan’s arm. “We have met before, albeit briefly and I do think Elsa probably enjoys Morrigan’s company the most.”

“I do not care which of you I am paired with, so long as you do not insist on sharing all of your problems with me.”

“Fair enough, so that settles it then? I shall take watch with Rowan when we camp and Elsa can take watch with Morrigan.”

Titus barked happily then, nudging Elsa’s hand with his head and bouncing slightly in excitement.

“Don’t worry, Titus, you can take watch with us too,” Elsa spoke softly, smiling fondly down at her hound.

“Aw and here I thought I could use a majestic mabari companion since I left mine with my family,” Hawke laughed, scratching Titus’ side. “Who’s a stinky boy, huh?”

Titus barked happily again, confirming that he was indeed the stinky boy.

As time went on, Elsa found herself slipping into silence, listening as Hawke seemed to lighten the tension by telling the most ridiculous stories of her family, her antics and spouting the most ridiculous puns that Elsa had ever heard. She was thankful for the conversation happening around her, as Leliana laughed and engaged with everything the warrior was saying. They were just setting off and Elsa wondered what they would face.

It all sounded so simple, if daunting, to make their way up to Highever in time to warn her family of Howe’s potential treachery. Yet, things were never that simple, were they? There were bandits, spirits, creatures that Elsa would rather not have to deal with. Even templars and any form of guard could be a problem, given Morrigan’s apostate status and the fact that Howe could have told anyone to keep an eye out for her and told any story that he liked. As Elsa continued to think on it, the more potential issues seemed to arise and the more Elsa felt as if she were adventuring into her death.

How would she be able to handle her conscience if anything happened to Hawke, especially after meeting her family and seeing them worry about her so much? How would she be able to live with herself if anything happened to the others whilst she survived? She had killed enough people already, she could still see flashes of red on her hands, even if she knew she had scrubbed her hands raw of the blood that had covered them. How much blood would be on her hands by the end of this? How many lives would be lost because of her and her inability to just play along and live the life everyone else had mapped out for her?

“It’ll be okay, Elsa.”

She was broken from her thoughts by a soft voice and a gentle touch to her arm. Looking up, she looked at Leliana, noting her sad yet reassuring smile. Her touch was grounding once again, as she focused on the woman in front of her, rather than the worries that swirled around her head.

“We’ll get through this, I promise. We’ll all get through this, you don’t have to suffer alone.”

“How did you…?”

“Your jaw tenses when you’re angry and anxious, but you only scratch your hands if you’re anxious. Besides, you always think too much, Elsa and you don’t need to go through all of that in your head. We’re a team, no matter what we are to each other, so please, do not fight this fight alone.”

Elsa looked at Leliana in surprise for a moment, her eyebrow arching slightly even as Leliana met her gaze, unwavering and strong. Finally, she nodded, patting Leliana’s hand on her arm and smiling slightly.

“Thank you, Leliana…”

“You’re welcome, now shall we? There’s a long day ahead of us and we need to get as far away from the estate as we can.”


	4. IV

The red glow that cast over the sky as the sun dipped behind the hills was a welcomed sight. Without the safety of the familiar trees to provide her with comfort, Elsa had felt her anxiety grow as they continued through the Fereldan countryside. Merchants had come and gone, offering to sell them wares before urging their horses forward and pulling their cart of goods away, leaving nothing more in way excitement. Of course, Elsa knew she should prefer a quiet road, rather than one filled with dangers, but she could not help but feel as if there should have been something to break up the monotonous trek they had begun.

They had decided as soon as the sky had begun to tinge in its sunset hue that they would search for a place to camp. The woods here were bound to have clearings, where they could camp and not be in danger from all of the late night travellers along the open road. Leliana and Elsa had scouted ahead, looking for the perfect spot to camp among the trees whilst Rowan, Morrigan and Titus trailed behind, just within earshot.

“Did you hear that?” Leliana asked, tilting her head to the side at yet another small clearing they had found out of many potential camping spaces.

Elsa stopped, listening for a moment. She focused on the sounds of the woods, the rustle of the leaves and the scampering of animals hiding from the night time predators. Among the sounds, she heard a soft splash and the gentle trickle of water nearby. A smile seemed to pull at Leliana’s lips with that, her eyes glinting slightly in triumph.

“Water? Does that mean we can camp here then?” Elsa asked, trying to contain the relief that she felt, as her feet continued to ache within her boots.

“Go get the others, I’ll start up a fire and then we can eat.”

Elsa sighed happily and dumped the bag she was carrying onto the ground, before running to get the others from behind them. Her stomach was rumbling at the mere notion of being fed soon, her mouth watering slightly at the thought of Leliana’s cooking. It had only been a few days and it had been far from high-end cuisine, but Elsa had appreciated it nonetheless. It was certainly better than anything that she would have been able to make and after a long day of walking, there was little room to complain. Maker, Elsa would be fine with eating her own cooking if it was consumed at the end of a long day, when her muscles and bones complained at her long after she would sit down to rest.

“Woah, what’s the hurry there, Cousland?” Hawke asked, laughing as Elsa ran up to them.

“We’ve found a place and I’m starving! Let’s go!”

Without waiting for the others, Elsa ran back, making sure that they could at least see her head towards the clearing. Titus followed her, bounding beside her happily and barking as they finally stepped back into the clearing to the sight of Leliana gathering some firewood and setting it up in the middle of the area.

“Did you run?” Leliana laughed, shaking her head as she went to place some more of the firewood they had collected during the day for this very reason. “I thought you were exhausted.”

“I’m hungrier though!”

“Yes, thank the Maker Morrigan bought some food from Lothering, otherwise you’d have never been able to catch anything. The animals would be scared away by your bouncing and barking in no time.”

“Listen, I’m perfectly capable of being still when I hunt, thank you very much! We’re going to be experts at it, right Titus?”

Titus wagged his tail in response, replacing his barking with a low predatory growl as he lowered his body, as if ready to strike at his imaginary prey.

“Really? You do remember that time when you missed a fairly stationary deer when I was teaching you, yes? Maker, I’ve seen you miss the target enough times,” Leliana laughed at the both of them, as she retrieved the cured meats and cheeses that Morrigan had picked up.

“I’ll get my dagger out in a second,” Elsa huffed, sitting down heavily and fishing through her back to retrieve the tent she had placed in there.

“Ah, the lovebirds are bickering again, I see,” Morrigan said, her eyes glinting with mirth as she saw Elsa scowl in response. “Oh no, do not stop on my account.”

Hawke emerged beside Morrigan, raising an eyebrow and looking between where Leliana was focusing especially hard on setting out the food and where Elsa was silently trying to set up the tent. 

“Lovebirds, huh? Trouble in paradise then?” Rowan chuckled. 

Silence hung through the air as neither Elsa nor Leliana deigned to answer the question before them. Hawke looked between them both, tilting her head slightly at the awkwardness that seemed to have befallen the nearly formed group. She cleared her throat, rubbing the back of her neck and glancing around quickly.

“So… I’m just going to say right now, that I cannot cook for shit. If anyone wants to taste my cooking, then I guess you have a death wish.” Hawke moved over to Elsa, joining her in attempting to put the tent up. “The only one who humoured me was Bethany and I think she did that just because she wanted to give me her honest, brutal critique afterwards. Siblings, eh?”

“Yeah… what I wouldn’t give to see my brother right now,” Elsa sighed, thankful for the chance to move away from the topic that sat near the fire, warming her hands. 

“Well, we’re going to get you there. Besides, there is nothing better than risking death and ostracisation for your family, am I right?” Hawke winked, nudging Elsa conspiratorially.

Elsa snorted, feeling for just a moment that the tightness in her chest was loosening a little as they continued their easy conversation. She latched onto the opportunity as if it were a life line, easing herself until she could almost ignore the silent contemplation that Leliana spent the rest of her evening in. It felt good, as if Hawke’s laughter could simply raise her spirits and for that she was grateful.

xxx 

The laughter had settled to sleep, leaving nothing but a gentle snore as the warrior passed out in the tent, settling easily who would take the first watch of the evening. Besides, Elsa found it hard to sleep, regardless of how exhausted her body felt, her brain seemed restless. To start, her and Morrigan simply stayed in companionable silence, their eyes darting around the forest as they walked the perimeter and sat by the embers of the fire that Morrigan herself seemed to be magically maintaining at its current strength.

“What do you make of Hawke?” Elsa absently scratched Titus behind the ears as her eyes peered out into the darkness around them as they sat upon a log that Rowan at dragged to the clearing before she had slept. “I don’t think we made a good first impression.”

“I take it you are referring to yours and Leliana’s… situation. Whoever would have found  _ that _ awkward and unsettling. You do not even know me well and yet I seem destined to listen to the two of you bicker and spat at each other.”

“Yeah, well, finding out the woman you love is a bard who was sent to ‘deal’ with you isn’t exactly just a little argument, is it?”

“I don’t know. Perhaps if you spoke to her instead of  _ me  _ about it, you would find a solution.”

“I do not think I even know how to go about having that discussion.”

“Yet, you are so quick to talk to me about it.”

“I don’t remember bringing it up!”

“No, I can see it dancing on the tip of your tongue in every conversation. It bores me.”

Elsa shut her mouth abruptly, choosing to fiddle and spin her daggers rather than engaging with the truth that Morrigan seemed to lay out before her. As the silence drew on, she could feel a cage encasing itself around her chest once more, only this was one of her own making and she knew it. It clenched and tightened until she wanted nothing else but to scream. Perhaps unlocking it would be simple - perhaps it would be a relief and yet with everything going on, it required a courage that Elsa simply did not have. Not just yet, anyway.

“Hawke seems capable, to answer your question. I am surprised you found someone else amiable to mages, but I am… grateful. I do not care what she thinks of me, before you say anything, but I have spent far too much of my life free without being told that I shouldn’t be.”

“Do you think… Flemeth sent you out to grow?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well… you have lived in the Kocari Wilds for your whole life, right? Do you think you were given the opportunity to grow by being sent with us?”

“I believe I was sent to keep  _ you _ alive. Perhaps Flemeth planned for you to be the one to grow.”

“...Yes. I had considered that... maybe she did. Is she always so cryptic?”

Morrigan laughed at that, her feline eyes glinting in the fire. “Oh yes! ‘Tis almost the only way she speaks. If I did not know her well enough, I would think she was merely talking utter rubbish. But… she is something we cannot afford to underestimate.”

Elsa nodded, tilting her head slightly and frowning into the darkness. Nothing seemed to make any sense anymore, not with what felt like a thousand threads coming together in a tapestry that Elsa couldn’t see the entirety of yet. There were too many possibilities, too many variables and Elsa was finding it hard to latch onto anything.

Going to her pack, Elsa rifled through trying to find the only thing that she had bought from the merchants earlier on in the day. She pulled out a leather bound book, the pages of which were completely empty and retrieved the ink and pen that she had bought as well. If Morrigan had questions as to why the woman was scribbling down furiously in this book, she didn’t voice any as their watch continued. Instead she kept watch, taking a few glances over at Elsa’s musings.

Elsa continued to write, jotting down her thoughts and trying find the perfect explanation for what was happening to her until the moment that Leliana and Hawke relieved them of their watch. Even by then, Elsa didn’t feel like she’d gotten anywhere, but writing had made her feel better. At least she could get her thoughts out in some way without them tumbling constantly through her mind.


	5. V

Days past them by, as they made progress up to Highever at what felt like a terribly slow pace. There were times when Elsa wished they could invest in a horse and cart to make their journey easier, but that would have been far too obvious a target for anyone searching for them. It was Leliana and Morrigan who had insisted that they keep low profiles and whilst Elsa knew exactly where they were coming from, she also knew that she had never walked so far before in her entire life. Hawke had occasionally taken pity on her, hoisting her up onto her back and claiming that it was a good workout.

“You do realise that Hawke may not always be there to carry you when you are tired?” Leliana said as she watched them both out of the corner of her eye.

Elsa noticed how Leliana’s eyes seemed to linger on the way in which Elsa had wrapped her arms around Hawke’s broad shoulders and the way in which Hawke held onto her thighs to keep her up. Tilting her head to the side, she smirked, watching as Leliana rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“Why? Are you offering to carry me? I don’t think you could manage it.”

“Elsa, you are short and don’t weight very much. I could lift you with ease,” Leliana retorted, shaking her head and focusing Elsa with a glare.

“Come on, are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Try it then!”

“When did your bickering turn into this?” Morrigan interjected, rubbing her temple as she walked behind with Titus closely at her heels. “‘Tis even worse than the meaningful glares across the campfire!”

“I kinda like it! I needed the change,” Hawke laughed, stopping for a moment and setting Elsa down on the floor. “Now this I have to see.”

“I didn’t agree to actually carry her!”

“Oh? Well I guess you’re admitting defeat then?” Elsa laughed, crossing her arms across her chest and focusing Leliana with a smirk that she had come to realise was a definite way to push the bard’s buttons.

“Merde! Fine! Come here then.”

Raising an eyebrow, Elsa stepped forward, placing her hands on Leliana’s shoulder and hopping up once Leliana told her she was ready. It was easy enough, to wrap her legs around Leliana’s waist and for her arms to follow suit. Strong and familiar hands secured her legs, aiding her in settling herself easily on Leliana’s back. Elsa tried to ignore that old flutter in the pit of her stomach, as the familiar smell of Leliana engulfed her senses and the feeling of her deceptively strong arms kept her feeling safer than she had felt on Rowan’s back. 

“So… I stand corrected,” Elsa laughed, trying to brush away the flutterings in her stomach.

“You knew fully well I’d be able to carry you. Now, let’s keep going before we manage to alert the entirety of Ferelden to our antics.”

They carried on, although admittedly Elsa knew that she didn’t need to be carried at all right now or perhaps ever. Being on Leliana’s back was inefficient at best and dangerous at worst, yet something about being so close and trusting Leliana felt good. Perhaps it was a good exercise, after all, they had agreed to support each other and move forward as best as they could. If they could no longer trust each other with simple things, then there was no way they would be able to trust each other in battle.

After awhile, Elsa got Leliana to set her down, although for once she did not walk over to Hawke or Morrigan in order to avoid Leliana’s company. Instead, she walked easily between both her and Hawke, who seemed to have stricken up a sort of easy friendship over their nights on watch. They shared stories of Lothering and laughed about the people they had both known there. The times and the places in their stories felt so simple, so free from the issues that Elsa had seen the Couslands embroiled in and the issues she herself had dealt with at the Howe Estate. The stories were of lives outside, of a greater world that Elsa had barely even experienced and for that, she found herself hanging on every word of even the simplest of stories. 

“I don’t suppose you remember much of my brother from when you were stationed in Lothering?” Hawke asked as they passed under the cover of a forest of trees that lined either side of the road.

“Carver, right? Wait… wasn’t he the one who kept asking me to tell him stories and gave me a single flower?” Leliana asked, her eyes widening.

“Yes! Oh Maker! He was so set on asking you out! It was sweet… foolish but incredibly sweet.”

“Ah yes, I remember both of the twins being rather focused on me…”

“I think it was probably equal parts the accent, your personality and your beauty. I mean come on, who wouldn’t pretend to be pious if it meant getting to spend time in your company?”

“Hawke, you flatter me,” Leliana giggled, blushing slightly.

Elsa rolled her eyes, ignoring that small voice in her head that seemed so intent on clutching at what they had once been; that she wanted nothing more than to be the cause of that giggle. She knew Hawke perhaps wasn’t trying to start anything, of course, even if she did it wasn’t as if Elsa hadn’t made it evidently clear that her and Leliana weren’t together and yet… 

“You look like you’re about to murder me, Elsa!” Hawke laughed, clapping her on the shoulder. 

“No! I was just-”

“Quiet,” Morrigan hissed, dropping back to the rest of the group. “We have company.”

“What?”

“I see them. That caravan up ahead that seems to be stopped,” Leliana whispered, halting the group. “To the trees.”

“Why? It’s just a caravan, right?” Hawke said, although she placed her hand on her greatsword all the same.

“The others have been dressed like merchants… these people are wearing armour beneath their clothes. Can’t you see it?”

Elsa narrowed her eyes as she surveyed the caravan that they were slowly approaching. It appeared as if Leliana’s observation was correct, as the clothes didn’t seem to hang naturally on their bodies. There was a bulkiness there and even from this distance, Elsa could see the tell tale flash of steel as they seemed to step closer. Her eyes were so focused on the people up ahead, that she almost didn’t hear the branch that snapped behind them.

The sound made her spin around, just as an arrow seemed to fly from somewhere hidden in the trees, approaching her chest rather quickly. In a confusing sequence, Elsa found herself pushed aside by the force of a body, a pained gasp sounding beside her ear and the sound of magic crackling in the air. As she shook away the confusion, Elsa instantly wrapped her arms around where Leliana was currently lying on top of her, her teeth bared as an arrow stuck out of her shoulder.

“Leliana!”

“I’m fine! Pull it out… please,” Leliana seethed as she jumped into a crouched position and fired an arrow of her own towards a shadowy figure within the trees.

Else did as she was told, hastily getting to her feet and trying to ignore her pounding chest as she grabbed the shaft and pulled it out of Leliana’s back. The armour that Leliana had been wearing seemed to have borne the majority of the impact, making the action of pulling the arrow out smoothing than it should have been. The gentle walk they had been having for days seemed to descend into chaos, as soon she found that the group of men and women they had noticed before, were now upon them with swords and daggers bared.

A scream shot through the air as Elsa noticed blue light emit from Morrigan’s hands, turning to frost that seemed to freeze and chill some of those that were within its path. A large greatsword came crashing into those poor souls, in one case cracking the brittle and frigid arm of the woman who had been closest to Morrigan’s magic.

“Magic! That bitch has magic! Take her down!” came a shout from the burliest of the group.

Gritting her teeth, Elsa shook herself and took hold of a dagger, throwing it with such intent that it speared the speaker’s throat, turning the words into a bloody splutter and gurgle as he seemed to drop easily to the floor. Suppressing the feeling of dread and revulsion, Elsa spun around watching as a woman attempted to drive a sword at Morrigan. It appeared as if both her and Rowan had seen the woman, as in seconds, she found herself surrounded, with a dagger pressed into her back and a greatsword that collided with her shoulder, sending a sickening crack through the air and a sudden screech. Dancing around the body, Elsa moved through the others, watching out for every possible point or movement to exploit and sink a dagger in to aid her companions. It truly did feel like she was moving through steps that became more and more fluid as the battle raged, each movement ending in a swift and deliberate move that lead to the finale of life.

Her eyes scoured the scene, watching as their attackers fell one by one until there was no one left but the one who had orchestrated the initial blow. Leliana was shooting into the trees, being greeted with arrows that seemed to come out with less precision as time went on. Silently, Elsa moved away from the group, counting on the enemy archer’s distraction. She could see the woman stood there as they got closer, her eyes burning like daggers into where Leliana stood, dodging and weaving away from the magic and arrows that flew her way. 

Elsa watched as Hawke began to advance on her, her sword ready and waiting. A step back, the woman was weighing her options. Another step back; she was going to flee. As soon as the third step landed on the ground, Elsa launched herself from her hiding spot, colliding with the woman and bringing her toppling to the ground. They struggled for a moment, as Elsa tried desperately to gain the upperhand, her hands finally finding the woman’s neck and squeezing tightly. Elsa snarled as the woman thrashed beneath her, trying to jostle her away in panic, her eyes widening as her throat was constricted tighter and tighter until she seemed to be struggling to breathe.

“Elsa! Stop! We need to question her!” Leliana called, reaching the space and placing a hand on Elsa’s shoulder.

She heard the words, but she could not stop. All she could see was the fear instilled in the enemy's eyes as they seemed to grasp and claw at her hands to no avail. One moment passed and it seemed like she would watch the life drain from the woman’s face, before she was yanked harshly away, her hands losing their purchase on the woman, who was allowed to take in one final, ragged breath, before collapsing lifeless onto the forest floor.

Hissing, Elsa shrugged the hands off of her, before she finally focused on the scene before her. The woman she had strangled did not move an inch and as Hawke moved down to place her fingers against the pulse point in her neck, she shook her head, stepping away from where the body lay and moving to look through her pockets, trying to find the answers that this corpse could no longer tell them. The sight was revolting, Elsa thought, as she looked down at her own trembling hands that had done the damage before her. The tremors in her hands soon felt as if they were shaking her entire body, as her mind tried to process exactly what she had done.

“Elsa! Elsa! Look at me!”

Her eyes seemed to focus, as she felt her cheeks being cradled between gloved hands, forcing her attention onto the intensity of Leliana’s eyes. She seemed to be begging her to return, to focus her on the present rather than where her mind was trapped, a few moments before in a moment of rage that she didn’t even think she could begin to understand. Tears slipped down her cheeks, as Leliana brought her into a hug, trying to quell the shaking and shuddering within her bones.

“You did well, Elsa. They would have killed us otherwise,” Morrigan spoke, coming towards them with an envelop in her hands. “Howe sent them.”

“Yeah, there’s another letter here that confirms the same… although it gives special mention to Leliana… I thought they were after you, Elsa?” Hawke spoke, pulling out a letter.

The words seemed to just wash over her, as Leliana finally pulled back and took Elsa’s trembling hands within her own.

“Breathe. Control. You can do this, Elsa. You can handle this,” Leliana spoke, commanding Elsa’s full attention regardless of the questions coming her way.

The pounding of her own blood in her ears seemed to deafen her as she tried to focus on those words, taking shaky breaths as she let Leliana’s words ground her. Her eyes flashed for a moment back to where the woman lay and she tried to process exactly what had been going through her mind. It had felt so calm as she had crept up and begun to strike, but afterwards had felt like a blur. What she could remember was nothing but a darkness that focused only on squeezing the life out of this person who had threatened her and her friends. This woman who had perhaps only been sent her on orders, rather than any cruelty on her part. She was a pawn and Elsa had directed every ounce of anger and desperation in her body towards her until her life had eked out of her.

It was wrong. This wasn’t her. Yet she had done it hadn’t she? Her breathing seemed to even out, but the thoughts did not stop.

“Elsa, let me help you,” Leliana spoke again, drawing her chin up to face her.

“Please…”

“I know, hush, I know,” Leliana pulled her in again, smoothing down her hair and letting Elsa latch onto her as if she were the only thing tethering her to reality.

“There is something else going on here. Another player in this plot perhaps? This woman’s orders directly reference the bard, whilst these only mention us and Elsa. Do not tell us that you are bring us even more danger?” Morrigan sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Well I mean, she’s a bard right? It seems like a pretty regular thing that spies would be hunted. I doubt she’s bringing us anymore danger than we’re already in, Morrigan,” Hawke spoke, as they continued to pour over the notes.

Pulling back from Leliana once more, Elsa took in a deep breath, trying to empty her mind of all the thoughts that seemed to be pushing against her skull at once.

“I… didn’t mean to do that,” Elsa whispered, looking down at her hands and seeing only red upon them. 

“You’ve been going through a lot, Elsa. You aren’t used to this and you’re angry… I can help you control your anger, if you’ll let me?”

Elsa nodded, clasping her hands firmly together and trying to stop the trembling.

“Control?”

“Yes, exactly. Let’s take a walk shall we and clear your head. Morrigan and Hawke can sort things out here.”

“Were you going to consult us about this?” Morrigan asked, huffling slightly behind Leliana.

“You’ll have Titus with you, it’s fine.” 

Titus barked, as he nuzzled his head into Elsa’s hand. He seemed to ground her further, as she absently tickled behind his ears, trying to disperse the cloudiness of her mind. Nodding for a moment, she allowed Leliana to take her by the arm and lead her further into the forest around them, away from the corpse of the woman she hadn’t meant to murder so cruelly. The woman she had felt a sick sense of enjoyment in killing.

They walked for only a few minutes before Leliana motioned up a giant tree, whose thick branches looked as if they would be perfect for climbing. Without a word, Elsa followed her instructions, allowing her body to make the familiar stretches and movements in order to get up as high as she could go. There was a safety up in the branches, a reminder of home and of easier times when her problems had been her feeling of being trapped, rather than coming to terms with this darker element that had only just reared its head.

As soon as she settled, Leliana joined her up on the branch, looking out into the sun that seemed to be dipping down in the late afternoon. It was beautiful up here, as they watched the sky start to darken into its glorious red hues beyond the tree tops. It was peaceful, it was real and finally Elsa found she was able to breathe properly again.

“What happened there?” Leliana asked, once she was certain that Elsa’s breathing had returned to normal.

“I… don’t know. I was trying to sneak up and take her out, maybe incapacitate her somehow. But when we were struggling, I just needed to live. I needed to survive and I thought… she’d already hurt you. She’d tried to kill me. I needed to win, I needed to be safe and I just… I just wanted it to end,” Elsa said, gazing off into the distance and avoiding Leliana’s eye contact.

“You have been silent a lot. It is not good to keep such things buried inside, believe me, I know.”

“Have you ever enjoyed… that?”

“Yes. Yes, I have and it takes me every ounce of who I am just to remember that, that doesn’t make me a bad person. I… feel it too a lot, but you… oh Elsa, I am so sorry.”

“Maybe we should help each other?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know I’ve been an ass…”

“I have deserved it, Elsa. I lied to you and that is not an easy draft to swallow.”

“Yes, but I said we would work together and move on. We haven’t been doing a lot of that lately have we?”

“No… I suppose you are right.”

Elsa sighed, turning to look at Leliana fully. Her blue eyes were trained on her, shining with concern and a tangible sadness that Elsa had felt so often mirrored within herself. Biting her lip, Elsa surveyed her properly then, the dark circles under her eyes and the worry lines that seemed to be a permanent feature on a face so young. There was a familiar look in those eyes, something that Elsa had never been able to place before but now, with everything that had happened, she could see that small amount of fear that hung within. There were so many questions about the world, about the act of killing and the conscience that had to bear all of the burden of it. The small seed of doubt that hung there, about whether they could be proud of what they had done or whether they would one day fear what they had become.

It was all there in Leliana’s eyes and Elsa could not understand how she had not seen it there before. The woman she had fallen in love with had listened and understood, had given her light in a world where she felt she had nothing but darkness, but as the darkness truly took root, only now did she feel as if she was starting to see the darkness that was within Leliana’s own soul.

“I used to think you were so worldly and beautiful and made of light…” Elsa spoke, her words drifting softly in the air between them. “But I was naïve then.”

“What do you see now?” 

“Sadness. Hope. Doubt… you were so perfect to me then and now, I don’t see that perfection.”

“I did give you a perfect image, Elsa. That is part of my job as a bard.”

“I know, and that was what I needed then. Something to hope for, something to dream for…”

“And what do you see now?”

“I don’t know, but I want to try to find out.”

Leliana quirked her eyebrow upwards then, her lips twisting as if she were trying to reign in the initial smile. There was hope in Leliana’s eyes for a moment, hope that things would one day be okay and maybe just maybe, they would be okay too. Maybe this was exactly where they needed to be, in a tree once again, sorting through the realities that were lain out before them.

“We should go back soon, the others may be worried… well Hawke and Titus will be. I doubt Morrigan could bring herself to care,” Leliana said.

“Can we… stay like this for a little longer? I feel better here.”

“Okay, Elsa. Whatever you need, I’ll stay here with you until you’re ready.”

Nodding, Elsa returned her gaze beyond the treeline, watching the sun sink lower and lower as time seemed to move on. There was a more comfortable silence between them now, one that had been sorely missing since Elsa had learnt the truth about who Leliana was and why she had come into her life. Despite everything, no matter where they ended up or what they would be to each other, Elsa could not deny that without Leliana here, she would be utterly lost.


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile since I've updated but thankfully I'm back! I hope you enjoy!

Many moments seemed to pass, with Elsa and Leliana sitting in comfortable silence within their tree. In the back of her mind, Elsa knew that they should be pressing on, that every second wasted was another second where her family were in danger, and yet she knew she could not move. There was a peace up here, in the ways the birds chirped and the wind rustled her hair slightly. Her mind was clearing, centering, strengthening from whatever it was that had happened before. From whatever bloodlust had taken over her in those moments.

It was not until she heard a distant bark from down below them, that she knew she could not simply sit here forever. Looking down, she could see Hawke, Morrigan and Titus, looking up into the branches of the tree; the two humans looking with confusion, whilst the dog seemed to have his paws up the trunk, his whole body wagging as he has located his master.

“I guess we should head back down,” Elsa sighed, stretching her arms above her head. “I have no idea how much further we need to go and I don’t want to waste anymore time.”

“We could always continue walking into the night? Although, I don’t believe we should push ourselves too much. We need to be prepared if assassins strike us again,” Leliana said, attempting to shift out of her position on the branch, very carefully. 

“When did this become our lives?” Elsa laughed bitterly, holding out a hand to help steady Leliana as she tried to move closer to the trunk.

“Oh chérie, this has been my life for quite some time. The thrill of noble plots, assassins and threats to my life has gotten very old though. Perhaps I should find a new profession?”

“Really? Who would have thought that fearing for your life would get boring?” 

Both women laughed at that, as they slowly began to make their way down the tree. There were times when Elsa had to grasp Leliana’s waist, steadying her on a branch as they made their way down. It was refreshing, to laugh and joke about the very thing Elsa had wanted to avoid talking about at all points. Even with everything, she was grateful for Leliana, she knew that and even though she had not truly known her, perhaps things would be better now? More honest, more open, more real.

As they reached the floor finally, they were met with the exasperation of Morrigan and the confusion of Hawke, who seemed to be looking between the two of them curiously. Without saying a word really, Elsa moved over to Titus, scratching her dog behind the ears and grinning as he barked happily at her touch.

“So, what was that all about?” Morrigan asked, arching her eyebrow as she crossed her arms in front of her.

“I just needed some time to think. I’m better now,” Elsa said, not really looking over at Morrigan and focusing her attention on her dog. “Shall we go?”

“Did you hear nothing of what I was saying before you two disappeared up a tree?” 

“No, I was pretty preoccupied. What was it?”

“There were seperate orders calling for my death too, were there not?” Leliana asked, holding out her hand to Morrigan. “May I see?”

Morrigan passed over the documents that her and Hawke had found, as Elsa tried to peer over Leliana’s shoulder to read what they said for herself. Silence passed over them as Leliana read, her eyes flickering quickly across the page; once, twice, thrice, seemingly reading and processing each word again and again. Cocking her head to the side, Elsa placed a hand on Leliana’s arm, as the Orlesian seemed to stiffen, her hands trembling slightly as she clutched tighter to the piece of paper.

“What is it, Leli?” Elsa asked, rubbing her arm softly and trying to bring her back from whatever part of her thoughts she was lost in.

“We need to keep moving. We need to get out of here.” 

“Wait, what?”

“I… will tell you all when we’ve set up camp, I promise,” Leliana spoke, shoving the letters away into her pack and making sure she had all of her stuff before she began to walk back to where the road was. “We should keep to the trees more and walk parallel with the road. We can hide better in here than we can in the open.”

“Hold on! What are you…”

“Please, Elsa, we need to keep going! I know this is a lot to ask from you, but please, trust me? I will tell you everything when we aren’t close to a planned ambush site.”

“That… makes sense to me, at least,” Hawke chuckled, taking her greatsword out and keeping it at the ready. “Come on, I don’t want to be around if some other bunch of weridos come charging out of the woods at us! I’d quite like to live today, thanks!”

Nodding, Elsa gave Leliana one final look before she allowed her hand to drop to her side. Ushering the others forward, they began to retrace their steps back to the road where today’s adventure had began. There was nothing of note, nothing besides the caravan that had been their ploy. The bodies were nowhere to be seen, a fact that had startled Elsa until Hawke had shown her where her and Morrigan had hidden them from sight, making sure that nothing extremely suspicious would point towards their presence here.

They walked far more quietly than they had before, keeping just within the tree line so that no one else would be able to see them, especially as the sky began to darken and the sun dropped beneath the hills that were beginning to roll out beyond the trees. Soon they would not be able to hide, soon they would be out in open farm lands, with nothing but the hills on one side and Lake Calenhad on the other. Before now, woodland had been between them and the body of water, but soon, there would be fewer places to hide.

Just as they were coming to the edge of the woods, Leliana stopped suddenly, looking around as she held her hand out as if to stop the others in their tracks as well. For a moment, all was quiet, until she seemed to walk towards their left, where the lake has been trailing their steps for some time. Elsa followed her curiously, watching her as she seemed to walk with feather light footsteps until they reached the edge of the trees that looked out upon the body of water before them. Looking further down, Elsa could just about make out the sight of the Circle Tower in the distance, standing tall and ominous in the middle of the water and piercing the sky above.

“We should settle here for the night. Perhaps we can use the lake to wash ourselves up a little,” Leliana said, as she finally moved to put her stuff down.

“Are you sure we won’t be seen from the lake?” Hawke asked, even as she seemed to gladly place her weapon and her pack on the ground with a thump.

“We will need to keep watches, as usual. I believe this is as safe a place as any!”

“So…” Hawke said, looking between all of them. “Who’s getting naked and in the water first?”

Elsa snorted at that, unable to contain a smile at the smirk on Rowan Hawke’s face. Her amber eyes twinkled with mischief as she looked over to Elsa and gave her a wink. 

“Ah, my dear Cousland, are you volunteering?”

“No! You suggested it first, Hawke! If anyone’s getting naked first, it’s you!”

“Actually, I believe it was Leliana who suggested we get ourselves clean,” Morrigan spoke up, her eyes glinting with mirth.

“Oh will you all please stop acting like children?”

Leliana scoffed at the others, before she walked down to the side of the lake. The other three watched as she walked to a tiny cove area, where Elsa supposed the water was shallow enough for them not to find themselves out of depth. Without seemingly blinking an eye, Leliana began to disrobe, taking her time to remove the straps of her leather armour before finally she seemed to have stripped the rest of her clothes too. Elsa coughed slightly as she tried not to think back to the last time she had seen her naked, instead picking up the rest of Leliana’s stuff and following after her. 

“Come on, let’s put our stuff down here for awhile. We don’t want anyone to run away with our belongings,” Elsa said, trying to ignore the blush that was covering her face.

“You’ve gone all red! Surely you have seen it all before?” Morrigan cooed, a smirk pulling at her lips.

“Shut up.”

“Just wait until you see the rest of us, Elsa! We could use you as our campfire. I can feel your little cheeks burning from here!” Rowan laughed, clapping Elsa on the back.

“Oh but she does not know the sounds you make in private. ‘Tis sad, truly, especially since I had the misfortune to hear  _ them _ when I thought I was about to get rid of them.”

Elsa blushed harder at that, ducking her head down and hurrying to place her stuff down before Morrigan and Rowan could embarrass her any further. She barely talked when she stripped herself of her own leathers, eager to get clean as she could see the blood, both hers and of their assailants on her body.

Looking down at her body, there were bruises littered all over her and she could not help but grimace slightly. There had been a time when the bruises on her body had been nothing more than a fall during training or perhaps a fall off of a horse, something which she had worn with a smile on her face. These bruises however were not of times as simple as those and as such, she wasted no time in slipping into the cold water, clenching her teeth and hissing a little at the intense cold that surrounded her. She waited for a moment, her eyes moving to where Leliana had dipped herself fully in the water, laughing into the air as Titus seemed to be jumping around her and slashing water into her face.

“Well? Get in there champ,” Rowan laughed, coming to her side and patting her on the shoulder. “The water’s getting cold.”

“Oh haha! So funny! I’m freezing my tits off, here!” Elsa whined, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. 

“It’ll be better if you get yourself in there, I promise. Besides, we don’t want those tits of yours freezing off, do we?”

With that, Rowan strode further into the water, to a place where she seemed to have engulfed most of her body into the water. Taking a deep breath, Elsa followed suit, closing her eyes tightly as she tried to will away the cold and focused on the cleansing nature of water. The dirt, grime and blood had been on her for too long, and as she rubbed her body in the fresh water, she could finally rid herself of the external evidences of her current lifestyle. She moved deeper until she could barely touch the floor, before she dunked her head beneath the surface.

As she came up, she looked to see that Leliana had come deeper into the water too, her eyes seemingly fixed upon Elsa. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Leliana blinked quickly, looking away and acting as if she had not just been staring at Elsa in the water. She began to hum, as if that alone would convince Elsa that she had not just been caught looking at her.

“Don’t worry, I don’t mind if you look,” Elsa said, chuckling a little as she stretched slightly.

“I wasn’t…”

“Leliana…”

“I suppose we have already seen more than enough of each other to not act coy anymore!” Leliana laughed openly at that. “Will you take first watch with me? I need to talk to you about something?”

“Of course.”

Leliana smiled at her in thanks, before she seemed to think for a moment before shoving the water with her hands and splashing Elsa in the face. Giggled filled the air as Elsa scoffed, retaliating in kind and laughing as Leliana tried to turn around in the water to avoid getting the water in her mouth. They traded splashes for awhile, relishing in the giddy freedom of it before suddenly Elsa felt a hand on her head. All she saw was Rowan’s wicked grin and a hand on Leliana’s head as well, before getting dunked unceremoniously into the water.

“Merde! Hawke!” Leliana coughed as she came to the surface, swatting the warrior with the back of her hand.

“You little shit! I’m going to get you for that!” Elsa hissed.

Looking over at Leliana, they nodded to each other, advancing on Rowan in the water.

“Hey… what are you guys doing? Guys? MORRIGAN! HELP!” Rowan shouted, looking over to where Morrigan was lounging in the shallow end.

“You made your own bed, Hawke.”

Elsa splashed Hawke forcefully in the face, just before Leliana ducked under the water and swiped Rowan’s legs from underneath her. The tall woman let out a cry as she fell backwards, sinking into the water and shaking with laughter as she came to the surface once more.

“Next time, I’ll do that to you on land!” Leliana laughed, flicking Rowan in the nose and shaking her head. 

“Will we all be clothed then?” 

“Yes.”

“Well that’s nowhere nearly as fun!”

Elsa shook her head, swatting Rowan again on the arm before she began to wade out of the water and towards where they had all put their belongings. She wrapped herself up in a cloth she had accidentally stuffed in her bag before leaving, thankful that she had done so as she dried herself off and protected herself from the air around her. As she looked out into the moonlit water, watching as Rowan and Leliana continued to bicker and splash each other, she could not help but smile.

At least for a moment, she knew she that despite everything she had not lost the ability to do that.


End file.
